Memo From: That little gray Scion xA
Okay, it's time we all sat down and had some sort of friendly conversation, especially after what happened on the way home. The tea and cookies are over there, but you (yes, you!) "Ms. Black Corolla", let me start with you!
See, you shouldn't be putting on your makeup and chatting on your cell while you're trying to pass me on the right as we're all merging onto the Garden State Parkway. And, as you're still wondering why I flipped you the third finger of my right hand, you should never pass people on the right, especially on the shoulder lane of an on ramp.
And, all that got you was two cars ahead of me. Didn't you see that accident? Would you like to cause another one?
Next..."Mr. Lincoln Continental".
Dude! That's a great old car, but you're seriously underestimating how big that boat is! Here's a bit of advice; if you can't parallel park on Main Street in Madison, just go one block in and park in community parking. There's no need to back up traffic up to Chatham because you're still learning parallel parking, 'kay?
"Ms. Yukon".
Please don't drive anything larger that you can't handle. Seriously.
I watched you trying to park that monster vehicle in the "Whole Foods" parking lot a few weeks back, and it's clear that you can't do it.
You were backing up and forth, turning that steering wheel like hell, just trying to fit into a parking spot at "Whole Foods".
Incidentally, your rear-view mirrors are all bloody goofed up, and you can't see anything from them. You almost ran me over coming out of "Whole Foods" with my lunch because you couldn't see me, and if I ever see you pealing out of the "Whole Foods" parking lot again doing 40 MPH onto Main Street with kids in the car, I'll be on the cell so quickly to the Madison Police it'll make your head spin.
"Mr. Chrysler 300 With The Hemi"
I mean, really...all I was trying to do was pass you.
And, you decided to get all macho about it, and challenge me.
You know there's absolutely no way I could pass you (which is why I stay in the middle lane), but no, you're not nearly as handsome as you think you are.
Gah!
4 comments:
So, did anyone bring coffee to the meeting?
But then, come to think of it, that probably would be a bad idea, given that crowd!
You know I do an awful lot of driving, and I'm a good little driver.
But, I also just entirely lose what's left of my patience for drivers who don't comply with the rules of the road.
It makes me bloody mad! :*)
I remember seeing a louspeaker-type device sold at Sears years ago which simulated the "European" siren sound and a machine gun sound, among others. It was intended to be mounted on a dashboard. I should have bought it,it would come in handy when I see people not using their turn signals, etc.
Trev,
Paul says yeah, you can get those lights, but whether or not they're "street legal" in either country should be the question of the day.
Oh, and far as that idiot who pulled in front of you on the slip lane? I believe I saw him on the "New Jersey Turnpike" on Friday.
I'll be sure to set my phaser to "stun" the next time I see him.
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