Another Commuter Rant

And yes, this is another entry about my drive to and from work! Why do you ask?

So, let's get started, shall we?

To you, you...little blue Acura RSX who tried to pass me on the left when you clearly knew there was only one (one!) lane onto Route 78 West. You almost clipped me and you were also very close to ripping off my rear view mirrow as well as knocking out my front bumper. Please take off that BlueTooth thing that's going on. Believe me, you're just not that important.

To the woman who was driving the grey Acura...you're another one that should cool her heels in trying to merge into stopped traffic on Route 78 when we're all stopped. I really don't care how upset you are, but do you realise you were almost flattened by that truck because he didn't see you?

No? Really?

Aw, hell... if you're crying into your coffee, just pull over. Really, and I'm sorry.

Now, you, the one in the lime green Lotus...don't you ever, ever, ever pull that move in front of me ever, ever again, because I will report you.

I don't care how important you are, or who you are, but you almost caused a four car pileup. You cut across six (yes! six!) lanes of traffic on the Garden State Parkway this afternoon without any regard for oncoming traffic.

Please feel free to go to hell. Do not pass Go, and do not collect 200 dollars.

And, this is the tough one.

Hey, Grandma? Yes, you can go now. No, no...feel free to take your time, I'm going to hold up traffic until you decide when it's safe.

Yes, now's a good time. Oh, you don't think so? Okay, I'll wait some more.

Yeah, it looks good to me, so go and make your left, and I'm waving to you for a reason. You can go now.

Well, thanks for the wave back...it's nice to see that we've established communication with each other, but I understand that making this left out of the supermarket parking lot is a tough one. I do it a lot, and it's a bitch.

I'm also backing up traffic up to freakin' Metuchen, and you also have nine people in back of you just dying to make this left turn too, but, that's okay, really.

Now, don't make me do this...it looks good...go!

Oh, you won't. You're still waving at me, and you've probably created the worst traffic jam in Pathmark history.

And now, you're smiling at me and waving! You've got your hazards on, and then you decide to peal off in your '78 Lincoln Town Car.

And make a right.

Waterlogged

Good goddess, according to the latest forecast, we're due for anywhere between 1 and 4 inches of rain.

In the next 24 hours. Let me repeat that, for those of you who aren't listening...in the next 24 hours.

For those of you who aren't interested in my latest weather report, here's a few other tidbits that you may find interesting:

JK Rowling has admitted that she's going to kill off two of her major characters in Book Seven. My money's on Arthur Weasley and his turncoat son, Percy.

'Tis groundhog season! And you thought that "Groundhog Day" was in February...nope, between AMF and I, we've seen more groudhogs in the past two months, and we love to see them running around. Yeah, we love the little beasts, and we have pictures to prove it...

World Cup thoughts...those Aussie Soccaroos were robbed, I tell you! That was one cheap penalty called against all of those sexy, Italian "Serie A" players. Never should have happened. The Australians were robbed of a victory in the knockout round.

My two favourite kicks of the tourney so far...watching Becks bend it. Say what you will about his "high lifestyle", but he's really got it. Oh, and the Argentinian player and that amazing footwork to get that goal.

I'm supporting England and I will not be going anywhere on Saturday morning when they play Portugal!

"Ode From My Air Conditioner"

I have a very, very old AC up here in the "JCTV" computer room.

It usually works during the summer, unless...there's a thunderstorm, a lot of wind, too much lightening or it gets too hot when the internal thermo decides to take a tea break and check out reruns of "EastEnders" for a couple of days.

Or, all of the above.

Yes, I should replace this monster, but when it works, damn...it makes it nice and glacial up here!

Anyway, here we go...

Said the Philco, to the sweaty blogger on a hot afternoon
You’ve been here for ages, playing your tunes
I’ve been installed for decades, it seems
My filter’s clogged, but that don’t bother me

I remember when this house was redone
When this was a nursery for a grand baby son
I think that was back in ‘72
While you were still wearing your Catholic school shoes

So now you’re streaming to public radio
Or checking out the latest sports scores
I may be an old man, but I’ve got a lot left
I just needed a little rest

Now that I’ve had one, I’m ready to go
Perhaps one more summer, or maybe three more
Thanks for being kind
To this old air conditioner…a cooler friend, you will never find

Not So Hot Fun In The Summertime

If you've read a couple of my past posts, you'll all know that I'm not a fan of the typical hot, humid weather during this time of year on the East Coast.

Actually, I'll be the first one to say that "this heat sucks!" in late June and yes, please feel free to quote me on that around late July or early August when all of you begin to stick, sweat and fry in your shorts, tees and Teva sandals while at your local arts or music festival.

I live in an area of the country where we have all four seasons, but I just don't get summer. I don't understand the whole "New Joisey" mindset of "going down-a-shaw" for the weekend, or why, like lemmings, everyone is willing to pay tons of money to rent a summer place, buy expensive tags (shouldn't the beach and the sea be free?) just to be able to deep fry their skin along with another couple of thousand folks next to them?

If anyone can explain this to me, please do. I'd really like to hear your side of the story.

Almost two decades ago, I did this whole beach thing myself. I'd get up dead early on a Saturday morning and make my way down to Sandy Hook just to beat the traffic. I'd spread out on my blanket, oil myself up and...

Just lay on the beach.

I was bored to tears. I did this for exactly one summer.

So, what's the appeal of the beach during the summer for all of you? Inquiring minds want to know!

Rants, ramblings and other thoughts

Just a couple of things that came up in this mind of mine today...

1 - Did anyone else see Bill Gates' announcement today? Yeah, I know he's considered to be Satan in certain circles (read: Apple and Linux and Google and many Windoze users as well), but I give him and Melinda full props for doing good things with their collective fortune.


2 - Two big huge, nasty thumbs down to the "Supreme Court" for allowing the police to have the power to barge in on your own personal habitat without a courtesy knock.

If you'd like to see the latest version of the Constitution and the "Bill Of Rights" intact, you'd better read it quick since it's being shredded to pieces at an incredible rate by this current adminstration.

3 - England won, and advanced to the second round of the World Cup!

4 - What the bloody hell were all of you doing on the "Garden State Parkway" at, oh, 4 o'clock this afternoon? I left work early for a reason...to beat the traffic...man, you were all harshing my mellow, and besides, I had to pick up things at Target, get my hair cut and wonder if the local "Barnes and Noble" had ever heard of Todd Snider.

5 - Congratulations to my cousin Dave for marrying the amazing Amy! We'll see you on Saturday with bells and whistles on!

Ben Roethlisberger, what the bloody hell were you thinking?

A good decade or so, I dated someone who drove a bike. A big 'ol honkin' late '70's Honda Gold Wing.

This was one monster machine, complete with hard sidebags on either side, the carrying case in the back, stereo system...the whole nine yards. And, as most top-end bikes do, there's a seat for the passenger behind the driver. It's called the "queen seat" and on this bike, it was a true seat with a padded back and armrests and not one of those little "buttpads" that you'll see on smaller bikes.

That "someone" always praised the helmet laws from his home state of Maine where helmets on both drivers and passengers were optional. "Imagine flying around on this with the wind ripping through your hair!"

Umm...no. We've already flown around Northeast Philly, dodging potholes on Roosevelt Boulevard, been intentionally cut off by drivers on both 95 North and South, have hit potholes on Bensalem Boulevard and you will never, ever, drive down the Schuykill towards Center City with me on the back of this bloody thing ever again. I've seen way too many things on the back of this bike since I'm potential roadkill if anyone hits us.

Even with helmets.

I'd like to say that Ben's accident was a bad judgement call on his behalf, and it probably was. I know all too well the lure of a gorgeous day when someone wants to "take the bike out" on country back roads. Say, to New Hope or up past there on Route 32.

But, that early morning "Need to get out on my bike!" jones just may have killed his young career.

What a waste.

Goooaaaaalll !!!

I mean, really...

I could talk about Ann Coulter, but if I had the opportunity, I'd gladly drive her to Camden, New Jersey, drop her off around, oh, the waterfront and let her make her way back to civilization.

And, I'm being kind!

But, we have more heavy things to consider...

The “ World Cup” starts tomorrow!

Yeah, yeah…I know most of us here in the States are going to give this one a pass again, but you really shouldn’t.

I live in one of the most culturally diverse areas of the country, and this is a great opportunity for all of us to connect to that family down the road who owns the local Asian market.

Or, that nice new Aussie family that just moved in down the road. Really!

Make yourselves more friendly with the less familiar names other than Beckham, Ronaldo and Ronaldohino. And, teams other than Brazil or more gossip than Maradona and his tax problems.

Or, Becks and his wife.

Football (I will not call it soccer here) is called “the beautiful game” for a very good reason…if you love sports, it’s a great game to watch. It’s also a very quick sport to pick up on. Watch a couple of first round matches, and you’ll get it. Really, I promise!

And, I’ll be supporting England, since Rooney’s been cleared to play. I don’t think the US has a chance in Group B (which includes the Czech Republic, Italy and Ghana, and the Czech’s have one strong team).

Now, go and catch up with the rest of the world!

I'll be blogging it as best I can.

"Reet Petite, The Finest Girl You'd Ever Want To Meet"

I'm going to veer dangerously off into "Cathy Guisewite" territory here, and talk about shopping.

Dress shopping, of all things. Oy...I'm willing to bet I've just lost all blogger credibility here!

2 counties, 10 stores and 16 dresses later, I finally found something that looks great and fits well, but man, here's where my rant begins.

To "SteinMart" in Ocean Township: How can you possibly have only one dress in the petite department? Didn't you get the memo that short ladies need to dress up, too?

To "Nordstroms" in Edison: I know your semi-annual sale starts tomorrow, but no, I don't like that black one. I've tried it on, it doesn't fit and will you please stop telling me that with "a bit of tailoring it'll be just fine?" I'm not paying for any tailoring; I want it to just fit off of the rack, thank you very much.

To "Coldwater Creek" in Edison: Yes, it's lovely (it really was), but no, it doesn't fit. Yes, I love the color, but no, it doesn't fit. Please stop bothering me, really! No, really, I don't like that color, and may I just leave, please?

No, really, I don't want to see this in another size...you're all harshin' my mellow...really, I'm leaving! Will all of you please, just, go away? Yikes.

To "Ann Taylor" in Edison: Love it, but there's no bloody way I'm paying $120 for this!

To "Talbots" in Edison: Umm, no.

I'm not a fan of Macy's, and I shop there as little as possible...I really do despise how Federated is taking over all of the regional department stores and sucking the life out of what used to be central to everyone's local shopping experience (hell, I worked at Bamberger's at the original Menlo Park Mall way back in the '80's when Bam's was a destination store), but guess who still has the best petite department in my area? With the best prices, and guess where I found my dress...on sale, no less?

Rant off, I suppose...

Driving 101

Tap...tap...is this thing on?

Yes, well, thanks! Please start the slide show.

Nice to see all of you here...As a public service, I've been asked to introduce all of you to what the car makers call a "stem"...that doohickey that protrudes from the left hand side of your steering wheel.

Slide one, please.

Now, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, this is called a "turn signal", and it does amazing things!

Did you know that when you move this into the "down position", all of your exterior lights turn on so that other people driving know where you're going?

Yeah, that's the truth! And, even better, your dashboard even lights up with a little red arrow pointing to the right, so that other people driving seventy five miles an hour can anticipate your next move.

Ain't that cool?

Even better, if you move it up, you'll let people know when you're moving to the left! See how well this works?

Next slide, please.

I don't want to confuse anyone, but since everyone here is new at using this, please, please refrain from moving the stem towards you (since that may activate the wipers on your particular car) or away from you (this class will not teach you how to properly use your high beams, and that will be covered in "Driving 304").

Please end the slide show, thanks.

Would You Like An Appel?

Oh, forget the rain, the soaked pants, muddy Tevas and sneakers and the "golf umbrella" situation..."Appel Farm '06" was one hell of a good time!

Yeah, it rained...actually, it poured! But it didn't really matter, since everyone was drenched nine ways to next Thursday. I was there with AMF (who is my man), and we ran into more vols and friends from the station's boards than you can possibly imagine.

One of the reasons why I began volunteering for the station five years ago was to meet like-minded people. I was 35 at the time, and I took on more and more volunteer responsibilities as the years went on...still do, actually.

Anyway, it was great fun to hang out with my fellow vols and boardies, especially since the music was so, so good.

I don't think anyone will every forget Richard Thompson's set, or James Hunter's deal with a full band at the Grove Stage.

Believe me, a *lot* of women "swoon" James and Richard, LOL, and with good reason!

Daniela Cotton rocked the "Meadow Stage", but there's two Philly local bands that you need to keep an eye on..."Slo-Mo" and "Cabin Dogs".

I don't know where all of you may be reading this from...but, if you're a music fan, do keep an ear out for what Daniela, "Slo-Mo" and "Cabin Dogs" may be doing in the near future.

Weekend...do just what you want to do!

Well, okay...'tis not even Friday yet, but AMF and I are off to "Appel Farm" on Saturday.

Notice the lack of enthusiam on my behalf...listen, the line-up is amazing (James Hunter! Danelia Cotton! Richard *freakin'* Thompson!)...but, of course it's...

Going.To.Rain.

Again.

Believe me, there's nothing I like better than walking through a muddy music festival field with my Tevas going all "squishy", and settling down in a field of mud while it's raining, complete with dirty feet, wet hair and damp backpack.

I happen to love "Appel Farm", despite the tendency for the weather to turn against the fest. They've always done a terrific job with the lineup, and this year is no exception.

Two words for me: Richard Thompson. AMF has never seen this man perform live before, so that's well worth the price of admission.

Yes, pictures to come next week...I'll open my Flickr account when I come back home on Sunday.